Process

A week ago we had a Christian Camp out on the water whose theme for the week was "Living for Today". I didn't buy it at first, the whole message seemed so overused and inspirationally corny. But as I talked with one of the other guides about it I found my heart stirring with a fresh meaning. She suggested that we build up one of the smaller wave trains a few miles into the float to be one of the best rapids of the run. When the students were inevitably disappointed we asked them what they were missing out on because they were so focused on the excitement we were building? What conversation passed them by, or beauty of the river? And in the end, why were they so disappointed?

I hold so tightly to certain promises from God, desperately desiring that just around the next turn will be the fulfillment, that when I see a small set of waves in the distance I often charge ahead. "This must be it!" I say, only to come up empty handed, hurt that God would betray my heart so fiercely. But, like our students that day, if I'd waited for two more bends in the river I would have come to one of the biggest rapids, far more exciting than anything I could have envisioned.

We know, but constantly forget, that God does not work in our timing. The bible is full of examples from Abraham, who gave into pressure to have descendants, to Israel who waited centuries for it's savior, only to find that he did not live up to their expectations. In fact, I'd venture to say that God rarely shows up in a time frame that is "comfortable" to us, especially when it involves something that we feel he has promised us whether that be a job, relationship, healing, or anything else we set our hearts on.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (Proverbs 13:12) God knows the desires of our heart and he will fulfill them. He wants us to ask, but not beg, letting our asking turn to covetousness or discontent. Rather, we learn to trust fiercely and walk in daily expectation, not for the thing desired lest we make our hearts sick, but for the process that he is taking our hearts through each day that draws us closer to the fulfillment of that promise. I truly believe we are a people of goals serving a God of process. God asks us to live in the balance, giving us reasons to look forward, but asking us to trust in the moment that he will show us our next step, and that his grace is sufficient for us. 

When I come to the end of it, when the wave wasn't what I'd hoped for or my heart is crushed because it didn't work though it seemed so good, there is some strange comfort in his reminder: "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord." (Isaiah 55:8) Remembering God in his greatness ceases the striving of my heart, allowing me to live in that tension of a heart longing for the fulfillment of heaven, but called to walk each day here on earth.